A sense of "connection is missing."
“I lack a sense of connection with the people I work with.” This topic has come up for multiple leaders during recent coaching sessions. Reading this, have you had this thought too?
Each leader discussed how the people they felt a lack of connection with work on their teams, projects, or assignments, and they kept them up to date via email, Slack, Teams, and video meetings. In addition to their employees, a lack of connection with their peers arose. Almost every leader in this situation would tell me they communicate often and well.
But, despite all the communication, each individual has expressed that they no longer believe they have a good rapport with those they work with. All of these leaders wanted to find a way to improve in this aspect, but none had been successful with all of the other meetings and concerns they were dealing with every day. They assumed they communicate with these individuals routinely to get the necessary updates; why add more to their schedules?
As I worked with each leader, each shared a common theme: they did not want to reach out beyond the scheduled routine of work check-in, progress, or team meetings. This was most common among leaders who returned to the office for a limited office/home hybrid and those completely remote leaders.
“When was the last meeting with one of these individuals on a topic other than a routinely scheduled meeting?” This question is one I asked each in one form or another. It stopped most leaders and forced them to think. Nearly every one of them answered, “I do not know.”
These leaders have discovered that “water cooler chats” have gone away. Those were the discussions over a cup of coffee, lunch, or just the extra few minutes after a scheduled meeting that was now nonexistent and used to provide that sense of connection.
“What do you want to do differently going forward?” This question sparked their thoughts to take action and make a change – and reconnect. Here are some common ideas these leaders have found worked for them to change their perspective and reconnect.
-Set a meeting to chat. No agenda around work-specific tasks, just a chat to see how things are and what the leader can do to assist the other individual. This was by far the item most leaders stated they did not want to do because of taking time but, after doing so, realized their employees and peers generally desired to have this meeting too.
-Go on a lunch or coffee meeting. Many found this was another way to have conversations and enjoy a break. It depends on the environment and how the individuals feel about in-person gatherings, but each leader respects the desire of the other individual.
-A couple of the leaders having remote meetings to connect also had a coffee/food delivery sent to the other individual so they could have their coffee or lunch break together.
Each leader has come back to coaching sessions energized after taking action and reporting that the other individual was very grateful for the discussion and had similar feelings around a sense of connection. Most leaders stated they had developed a routine and mindset around meetings, which led to them not finding a way to get their sense of connection. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in a pattern that we have trouble seeing alternatives.
Written by Steven Schultze